I�m just like you! : An Apostate�s testimony

Satya Sondhani

E mail :  [email protected]

I've been under severe and multiple attacks from some readers after commenting on animal sacrifice during "EID-UL-AJHA". I sent that to NFB at first without any title. Later I mailed title but probably it was too late for NFB to change. However, I don't think title would have changed those reader's mindset. Nevertheless, let me mention title I decided was "EID-UL-AJHA and Sacrifice: Let's do it other way!" I know my suggestion/writing or even a better and more rationalistic suggestion from somebody else would not alter those minds that harbor beliefs/trends more because they�ve inherited it rather than whether it can be justified truly or not. Besides, according to many such readers/friends, I�m merely a human being (even though I exist) AND therefore I, under no circumstances, am allowed to question Quran/Hadeeth/Mohammed/Geeta/Bible etc irrespective of how rationalistic/constructive it is.

However, after reading all those criticisms and reactions INTERESTINGLY I didn't feel bad at all as my understanding is that prejudices/beliefs are the product of conditioning. In fact, it just reminded me how similar I myself was even few years back!!! So I looked at myself.

Yes, my dear readers, I understand how you felt after reading my comments on EID DAY because it�s not been very long when I was also just like one of you in terms of religious beliefs and therefore was very sensitive to any criticism directed against Islam and its tradition.

So do I really share certain things with some of you?

Please have a glance at the list below and be honest, NOT TO ME, but to yourself as to whether at least some of it I really share(d) with you or not! You need not admit in public (at NFB)!! Just admit to yourself!

My previous beliefs/views: Few samples -

1. Islam is the truest and greatest religion on earth.

2. Allah knows everything. We do not know answers to many things simply because human mind has it's own limitation.

3. A person can't be respected/loved wholeheartedly unless he/she is a Muslim (9:5, 9:29, 9:123, 3:28, 47:4, 4:139).

4. Allah is omnipresent. He sees everything, hears everything (6:13, 6:18, 6:103)

5. Islam is most peaceful religion on earth. It never promotes violence/fanaticism/hatred.

6. Quran is very scientific in nature. It's our lack of knowledge that sometimes we fail to perceive it.

7. Angel Israfil is waiting with "singha"(trumpet?) in hand for Allah's order to come before he plays "singha" to announce "keyamat".

8. We should never raise question about religion/Allah/Quran/prophet.

9. �Kurbani� we perform mainly to show our reverence/love towards Allah Subhanu Taalah. Also with this opportunity poor people can eat meat. It changes one's mind, makes one getting kinder towards fellow human beings.

10. Muslims residing in every corner of world are my brothers. We must pray always for the well being of our brothers/Ummah.

11. Women are inferior to man as Allah Himself made them so. They were/are created mainly to serve the purpose of man. (4:34, 2:223)

12. If someone raises question about merits of Islam/prophet/Allah I must condemn/hate him.

Such person lacks real wisdom. Only Allah knows the best.

13. Hazrat Mohammed (SM) was Allah's best friend and "banda". He(SM) was gifted with many supernatural power ("mujejha").

14. Islam should never be judged based on what mullahs do/perform.

15. Death can not occur UNLESS Allah really desires.

16. Allah treats every human equally.

17. Allah can predict every thing.

18. Allah can read people�s mind. (6:13)

The list goes on and on.... but I'll not prolong this.

Then what has changed in me so drastically? Or in fact, am I a fanatic Hindu/Christian/Jews in disguise? Or am I being paid to do conspiracy against Islam??? Or even may be possible I'm desperate for publicity?

No, dear fellow humans, none of these is a real fact!!! Still I remain just like many of you EXCEPT that now I can dare to raise question about validity of anything that lacks even very common logic/rationale. That�s all!! I didn't develop any extra organ, or any horn on my forehead! Believe me!! Except that one, I�m just like you and you are just like me!! Note this is not to say, suddenly I developed rationale and you all who fall to above category are nonsense!! I never dare to say so!! You too are intelligent, sometimes even more than me for sure, you too have rationalistic organ what we call "brain" BUT may be you tend to overlook critical issues more when it comes to religion than I do now. Otherwise, I repeat, you are just like me!!

To be more discreet, I'll present my present views of all the above I listed.

1. It's disrespectful and arrogant to say, "Islam is the truest and greatest religion on earth". Why/how? Because by uttering so is like saying "All religion except Islam are less true (or completely false?) and not that good (in fact worst?)".

2. God/supernatural force may or may not (I'm not sure) exist. But one thing I'm sure about is: Allah/Bhagwan/God/Ishwar are the products of thinking of primitive people. It all started with people's crude observation/explanation in pre-historic era.

Then comes the question: Do we understand everything??? The answer is: Human mind is the most complex/yet to be studied thoroughly aspect of modern Biology. However, It's hypothesized that human brain is many times more powerful than even the most recent super computer. Thus how can one say about something's limitation/shortcoming unless he�s explored it thoroughly??

3. I respect/love and wish all the best to each and every benevolent and honest people on this earth (and beyond if any) IRRESPECTIVE of his/her race/religion/gender/background etc.

 4. When Allah is omnipresent, why does He engage "Munkar-Nakir (angels)" to keep account of every individual�s act??? For same reason I wonder why Mohammed had to fly (?) on "Burakh" all the way up to "Arsh-e-Ajim" in order to meet Allah when He (Allah) is present everywhere???

5. Quran directly instigates fanaticism and killing of unbelievers/apostates!

Let me present just three samples.

"So, when you meet (in fight-�Jihad� in Allah�s cause), THOSE WHO DISBELIEVE SMITE AT THEIR NECKS TILL WHEN YOU HAVE KILLED AND WOUNDED MANY OF THEM, then bind a bond firmly (on them i.e. take them as captives). Thereafter (is the time) either for generosity (free them without ransom), or ransom (ACCORDING TO WHAT BENEFITS ISLAM), until the war lays down its burden. Thus (you are ordered by Allah to continue in carrying out �jihad� against disbelievers till they embrace Islam (i.e. are saved from the punishment from the Hell-Fire) or at least come under your protection), but if it had been Allah�s will, He himself could certainly have punished them (without you). But (He lets you fight), in order to test you, some with orders. But those who are killed in the way of Allah, He will never let their deeds be lost". (47:4) *

(My comment: Dear reader, would you please help me out? I�m pondering how true it is to still say-

a) Islam never encourages fanaticism!!

b) Islam is the most peaceful religion!!

 

Also the above verse raises following questions in my mind:

c) Who/what exactly creates fanaticism/extremism???

d) With respect to underlined portion, look carefully, Allah wants to test his creatures i.e. us THEN is it still a valid comment that is made by Allah Himself?? Please read below:

"And He is Allah (to be worshipped Alone) in the heavens and on the earth, HE KNOWS WHAT YOU CONCEAL AND WHAT YOU REVEAL, and HE knows what you earn (good or bad)" 6:3 *

What should I decide then: Allah can OR can not read human mind??? Why does He want to test us through violence/killing???

Let�s read few more:

"Then when the sacred months (the 1st, 7th, 11th , and 12th months of the Islamic calendar) have passed, THEN KILL THE �Mushrikun� wherever you find them, and capture them and besiege them, and prepare them for each and every ambush. But if they repent and offer prayers perfectly, and give �zakat�, then leave their way free. Verily Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most merciful".(9:5)*

OR

"O you who believe! Fight those of the disbelievers who are close to you, and LET THEM FIND HARNESS IN YOU, and know that Allah is with those who are the �Al-Muttaqun�(pious) (9:123)*

Therefore, Islam promotes fanaticism/terrorism. It�s the their consciences that make some people (those moderate in nature and want a sort of reconciliation between dogma and reality/rationale) say that Islam is most peaceful religion. Many times it�s also their blind ego.

6. Quran can NEVER be explained scientifically IF its meaning is taken literally. However it�s understood that it was composed hundred years back and was compiled even many years later after the death of Mohammed.

7. When Allah posses� capacity to predict each and every thing as things can't take place on earth without his consent THEN isn�t it incredible/funny to believe that He made poor Israfil to stand millions of years in advance with "singa" in hand?? Also Quran says, anything if Allah wants to take place or wishes to shape all He needs to say, "Be!" (6:73) (I wonder if Allah can direct His own mind as according to Quran, He�s to utter some words!)  

8. I�m tempted to quote two famous thinkers in order to present my present view:

a) "Question with boldness even the existence of God; because if there be one, He must approve the homage of Reason rather than that of blindfolded Fear."

----Thomas Jefferson

b) "I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotism."

-- Albert Einstein

 9. Human's love/feelings towards his GOD should not be so superficial that it has to be expressed in such a form that looks/sounds more like buffoonery rather than cordial respect/reverence that comes from within. Then Meat for poor?? Why not cash money if we really care?? Does it make sense to give him money when he doesn't have spices at home or may be money is what he needs more at that moment than meat (say, his son is sick).

Besides, isn�t it an established fact that nothing specially no rituals can change a person except himself/herself?

10. I presented my view under 3 already.

11. There are physical/anatomical differences between man and woman, which are natural. But nothing can be more autocratic than saying woman is inferior to man or man is the protector/maintainer of woman (4:34). Also it's a weird belief that woman were made out of left chest bone of man.

12. GOD, if exists, can�t be so intolerant or chauvinistic that He�ll punish you for being enthusiastic about His identity?

13.Prophet Mohammed was a human being, may be highly intelligent, BUT there is no reason to believe that the universal truth "To err is human" was an exception in his case. Another recognized truth is that history always favors winner. Had HITLAR won World War II, Would we have known about the heinous acts he committed??

14.Every individual will be forced to turn into a mullah (fanatic) if he/she abides by Quran/Hadeeth to an extent of ~100%. Remember the verses we discussed under 5.Thus its hypocritical to blame only Mullah! Where do mullahs get strength??? Verses like above have got nothing to do with extremism/fanaticism?

15. If death occurs according to Allah�s consent then

a) How do we explain incidents where thousands of innocent children are getting killed?

b) Why are people killed while doing a very sacred Islamic ritual ("Hajj")?

c) Can any believer dare to be fed with a trace amount of cyanide provided he/she takes it while believing cyanide can never kill him UNLESS Allah wants?? Any Muslim up here?

16. Why are some people created as brilliant, some as dull, some as good-looking whereas many as ugly?? Imagine Had He created all with same complexion then there would not be any racism! Who�s really racist?  

17 & 18. Can Allah predict every thing?? Is it really possible? Only probability I can see is when doer Himself is the predictor. And even Allah Himself says in Quran:

"And whomsoever Allah wills to guide, He opens his breast to Islam, and whomsoever He wills to send astray, He makes his breast closed and constricted, as if he�s climbing up to the sky. Thus Allah puts the wrath on those believe not". 6:125 *

Why blame sinner?? Isn�t it Allah who is behind the scene??

 

I�ll conclude here with a small request to readers. After you�ve read my essay and thought honestly for sometime, If you think you share at least some of my past thoughts if not the present one, then please don�t harbor any grudge/hatred against me FOR I�m very similar to you all and you don�t know for sure, you may share more things in coming days as well!!

But if you find that you neither share any of my past thoughts nor, you think that my present view is logical THEN I apologize for my lack of understanding!! Otherwise? No I don't seek apology from anybody RATHER I entreat following:

Let's be led by ourselves!! Just ourselves!! You need not even need to read books/articles written by people like me i.e. disbelievers. Let�s just read Quran/Hadeeth/Bible/Geeta/Monu Songhita and examine them with rationalistic mind at least to make sure we�re neither being hypnotized, nor being hijacked emotionally!

Warm Regards.

*Reference: Interpretation of the Meanings of THE NOBLE QUR�AN in the English language by Dr. Muhammad Taqi-ud Din Al-Hilali and Dr. Muhammad Muhsin Khan, ISLAMIC UNIVERSITY, AL-MADINA AL-MUNAWWARA, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

[Mukto-mona] [Articles] [Recent Debate] [Special Event ] [Moderators] [Forum]