A Diary from Lebanon: July 14-16, 2006
forwarded by Partha Banerjee
Note: The following diary is written and sent by an American. I've kept her identity undisclosed.
I will post more as I receive it.
--Partha
Pull-out quote:
"Olmert and Peretz promised that Israel would set Lebanon back to where it was twenty years ago, which is a horrifying thought, particularly in light of what twenty years of war have already done to this city. And Bush using this as an excuse to call for intervention in Syria is simply crass and equally terrifying."
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A Diary from Lebanon: July 14-16, 2006
14 July
Am taking advantage of the electricity to write. Will probably lose it again in an hour or so when the bombing starts in full force again. These blackouts are really unpleasant. As is the lack of water. Bathed today with a bottle of drinking water, which was not great and a little extravagant. Am still covered with bits of soap, I am sure.
I only slept about three hours last night, as warplanes started flying low overhead at around 3 a.m. and for three straight hours, there was the constant noise of crashing sonic booms from fighter jets, rapid machine gun fire, and three huge explosions. My nerves are completely shattered. I
think these coming days are going to get reversed, being up all night listening to shelling and sleeping during the day.
Apparently, last night, they took out the highway that connects Lebanon to Syria, effectively eliminating that as a possible escape route. Our neighborhood is only about a kilometer away, which was why it sounded like it was happening right outside the door. They also bombed a neighborhood in the southern part of Beirut about two kilometers southwest of here after leafleting the area warning all the residents to evacuate.
If it gets any worse, I am going to stay with my friend Elaine at her house in the mountains of Beit Mary, which is a Christian stronghold and safer than being in the city. At the moment, people have ransacked the stores because all food supply lines have been cut off; but managed to stock up on
a few weeks' worth of supplies despite the complete insanity in all the markets.
Olmert and Peretz promised that Israel would set Lebanon back to where it was twenty years ago, which is a horrifying thought, particularly in light of what twenty years of war have already done to this city. And Bush using this as an excuse to call for intervention in Syria is simply crass and
equally terrifying.
Everything here is a little surreal; feels like we are operating in a vacuum. We lost power and water for most of the day, but it seems to be back for now, at least. I am fine here. Stocked up on food and emergency candles; registered with the embassy; the old lady next door who lived
through the last war showed me how to access the bomb shelter under our building. There are even beds down there! I may leave tomorrow or Sunday for the mountains if the shelling gets worse.
The Europeans have all been evacuated by their embassies tonight. They were told that if they did not leave now, their embassies could not take responsibility for them, and they are being bused and airlifted out in military planes. The Canadians and Americans, on the other hand, are being
told to stay indoors and wait it out, as plans have not yet been finalized for how the embassy will help people leave. Of course their diplomatic personnel and $600-a-day consultants are slated to go first.
Have decided not to try it alone going north to Syria. There are hundreds of cars in line waiting to cross the border, and they look like sitting ducks. The Israelis have already started bombing that road, and there is little chance I would be permitted to enter Syria unless under the auspices
of the embassy. I actually don't know how I am going to get out of here if I need to, but if the embassy finds a way, I will consider it. We�ll see what the state of affairs is tomorrow.
I am still horrified both at the disproportionate level of retaliation, the complete destruction of the infrastructure, and threats of war from both extreme sides. I was sitting in a cafe in the Christian quarter watching the news when Nasrallah's home was bombed a kilometer away. It was next to
the refugee legal aid project where I am doing a consultancy at the moment. Thankfully, our meeting was cancelled there this afternoon.
At the moment, remaining in this Christian enclave where I live is the safest thing I can do right now, as it is not a target, and it is too dangerous to travel anywhere. I am more worried about being trapped here for a prolonged period of time, while the international community and
national political leadership just standing around wringing their hands and asking for it all to stop.
My lawyerly side hoping for Israelis and the Hezballah to conform somewhat to the rules of war and eventually arrange a ceasefire is starting to give way to the suspicion that this will simply spiral for quite some time. Eliminating half of Lebanon would still not defeat the Hezballah, but
Lebanon is obviously an easy target and pawn in a larger regional game.
I am very concerned about what will happen if the Israelis choose to enter on land, as this could easily spark another civil war. All of the sects are still here, several still heavily armed, and a few who might even ally themselves with foreign intervention against their former enemies. Though
at present, everyone is remaining quiet and hoping it will end on its own. No one wants a war.
I will keep you posted as things progress. Hopefully will find an exit strategy out of here soon. At the moment, all roads to the borders have been destroyed. And Chris is in the US; my god, the timing of things. Take care.
15 July
New plans today. Just spoke with my friend Adina, who works for a USAID contractor in west Beirut. The shelling in the southern suburbs of Beirut has escalated, and USAID instructed her to leave Hamra immediately. Four of her colleagues are being taken north to a hotel in Batroun, and they agreed to let me stay with them upon Adina's request; so I will go up there either tonight or tomorrow and stay with her.
They are concerned all routes out of the city will be blocked soon; so will try to hurry with packing and such. Word is that evacuation of Americans will start on Monday; hopefully, will be amongst the first in 25,000 since will be staying with the govt contractor crowd :)
I suspect we will be evacuated through the Batroun military airport as that is the only one left, but will keep you posted. Have decided to fly to San Francisco to meet Chris for a couple of weeks, and we will drive together down to LA and stay at his house in Venice Beach for the rest of the summer until we decide what to do next. More to follow.
16 July
As you may have suspected, my plans have changed again. The Israelis bombed the only remaining military airport and port in Batroun. My friend Adina is up there and safe, but it is looking unlikely that anyone will now be able to be evacuated from there, and evacuations will somehow have to be conducted from Beirut.
So I have decided to follow my gut instinct and sit tight here in the heart of Beirut�s Armenian Christendom. Most of my neighbors have lived through this sort of thing before; so their choices to remain here are probably wise ones.
And I have just heard from the embassy that the Americans will not be evacuated before Wednesday or Thursday. Plans at this point are leaning towards transport by ship to Cyprus.
The shelling of the southern half of the city last night was relentless and the worst yet. The noise from explosions was deafening, and I decided to sleep at my friend Rana�s place just down the street, in order to have some company and access to BBC.
Am back home this morning, and the Israelis are pounding away in Beirut, no doubt in retaliation for the Hezballah rocket on Haifa. I am afraid these windows in my flat won't be able to take much more; so am keeping them all open in hopes they won't shatter.
At least we have had electricity for a couple of hours now. I am not concerned about the neighborhood being bombed; so much as weaker structures collapsing from the constant reverberations.
I think I am starting to grow accustomed to this horrendous noise. My heart still stops for a second or so every time another bomb is dropped, and then it races to catch up with itself before the next one, but my nerves are a little more steeled to this now.
And am trying to block out images of collapsing buildings and bodies in my mind every time I hear another explosion. They were dropping every 5-10 minutes last night for several hours and will no doubt escalate today.
It is heartbreaking watch the past ten years of hope and reconstruction in his country devolve into fear and resignation. It will be the nation�s psyche and not the infrastructure that will take the longest to rebuild. The atmosphere feels like someone has died.
And am also heartbroken at having to leave this country. Somehow it has made its way under my skin, and I�ve been here now just long enough to start to fall in love with it, only to have to leave.
I keep telling myself it is not for good, but nonetheless, I know I am walking away from many good people who have no choice but to remain here living with the barrage of violence, daily atrocities, and powerlessness over their situation. As usual, it is the civilians on both sides who will
lose the most.
Well, my dears, I am staying as safe as possible and thinking of all of you. Will stay in touch as events unfold.
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Pull-out quote:
"One woman there asked me if I was a Lebanese; when I replied no, that I was an American, she immediately followed up with �So are you planning to leave us and go on one of the ships?� When I replied yes, her expression changed to one of perplexity and maybe even sadness, capturing the communal sense of loss that is resulting this mass flight of foreigners."
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Part II. A Diary from Lebanon: July 17-20
17 July
A little better today, in some ways, but also came down with food poisoning this afternoon (bad manaish at a cafe-due to no electricity for their refrigerator, I suspect).
And am losing my hair in handfuls. It's quite weird, as it started a week ago and I thought I was just imagining it, but Rana here has pointed it out; so I guess that makes it real. Hopefully, once out of this situation, this body will heal.
I hope this does not escalate into a regional crisis, sucking Israel's neighbors into what is already an extreme (not to mention illegal) spiral of retaliation against Lebanon.
Most people here (Christians and Muslims alike) say that even if they think that the Hezballah timed their actions badly and did not carefully consider the consequences of the kidnappings, Lebanon must not publicly disavow them.
There is a common belief here that it is critical that all Lebanese demonstrate a commitment to national unity to prevent Israel from dividing the nation and driving it towards inter-sectarian war once again.
[We are] probably the only Muslims (though will admit I am not a very good one, mind you!) in our neighborhood, having chosen to live here because it was relatively inexpensive; so it has been a little strange being extremely aware of everything that is going on literally around us, affecting the people we work and interact with on a daily basis, while at the same time being in a community that remains untouched.
We have both agreed we will remain here until further notice from our embassies, and I continue to worry about all of those people outside of this square kilometer of relative safety in which we live who have to face this unabating violence right at their doorsteps.
They started evacuating the US contractors via helicopter this morning; so may be airlifted out of here in the next couple of days, though I am not on the priority list. It has not been healthy constantly sitting around listening to the shelling; so today decided to get out of the flat and make
myself useful.
[We] spent the afternoon finding out about assisting at one of the relief centers for the people displaced from their homes due to the destruction of the southern suburbs. I think that as long as I am in Lebanon, the least I can do is to spend my days working there, which will be more productive than just waiting and wondering what's next.
It is both a testament to the desire to demonstrate national unity and heartening that this little Christian neighborhood has so openly welcomed in their Muslim brethren. The public schools here in Karm El Zeitoun have all been turned into shelters, and the Democratic Left, Caritas Liban, and the Red Cross are running the relief operations. There were 400 people at the centre where we went, and another 300 down the street.
Everyone was calm, and no one was panicking; they just seemed to be waiting for something to give. I continue to be impressed by their strength and resilience; I guess they've seen this all before. All of the relief centers in the city are completely overcrowded, and new people kept arriving who had to be turned away.
A lot of the Iraqi and Sudanese refugees lived amongst the Shia Lebanese in the southern part of Beirut and are now sitting outside the UN waiting for it to help them. For two days, I have been getting calls from UN staff wanting to know if I was aware of any centers with available space.
It has been an interesting day, though I am quite tired now. The power has been running most of the day for the past two days; so we haven't been affected by the attack on the power stations in the south. The entire southern section of this city is essentially a pile of rubble, however; it is hard to get one's head around the magnitude of the damage.
First ironic moment of the day: a bomb exploded near the port half a kilometer from my home, and the reverberations set off the music box in the ice cream truck parked outside on the street. For three hours straight, the whole neighborhood was subjected to tinny repetitions of "It's a Small
World After All".
Second moment of irony: arrived at the relief centre to find people sitting around the courtyard, playing hearts, smoking, murmuring in low tones, and in the midst of them a group of Shia women sitting around a table, focused with the utmost concentration upon building a complicated and fragile house of cards.
18 July
The bombardment continues in the south. Apartment buildings and highways are being attacked, and the civilian death rate is multiplying.
Too ill today to leave the house. I now attribute it to some spoiled yoghurt I drank yesterday, which obviously didn't survive in the refrigerator when the power was out.
Am exhausted from another long night of air raids, though [...] claims she can now sleep through the deafening noise. It sounds closer every day.
Have thrown away or packed up four years of our accumulated things for the landlady to store under our house. Would like to think of leaving behind all this climbing gear as a kind of guarantee of my return in the future.
Have come to view my climbing gear as somewhat of an extension of myself, as it travels with me wherever I go. Sounds trivial, I know, but it is the small things that somehow define these experiences.
Adina made it out of Beirut yesterday with the other government contractors airlifted from the embassy. She said that Cyprus is total chaos and madness, flooded with thousands of evacuees.
Apparently, the US embassy has been completely useless on that side, as well, telling people they will try to help out with tickets the next day, inviting them to the dinner buffet in the hotel, and asking if anyone wants to be on Good Morning America!
How typical of the US to make a spectacle of all this violence, when they clearly could have quite a lot of say in stopping it if they wanted to. At this rate, it almost makes the risky route to Syria look inviting, but don't worry, will evacuate with the embassy and deal with the madness with
everyone else.
My friend Kirsten in Cairo sent me a terrific quote she found in �The Rules of the Game: An American mediator with Hezbollah interprets the signals from Tel Aviv and the Lebanese militia group� by Laura Rozen (interview with Mark Perry):
Q: �Some are proposing that the Lebanese government send its army into southern Lebanon. What do you think of that idea?�
A: �It�s a really great idea. The Lebanese army can�t collect the garbage in Beirut. Neither can the Syrian army. Southern Lebanon is Hezbollah land. �Hezbollah is the second or third most competent military force in the region, after Israel and Iran. It could probably defeat a good sized
Egyptian battalion.�
I just heard that the first US ship came in today to cart out 150 American University in Beirut students, but that only a few of the people that the embassy called actually showed up, and it was practically empty!
From what I can tell so far, people have been evacuated in this order: costly government contractors, people with special needs, and then spoiled AUB students. People living in the south where the shelling is the heaviest are scheduled to be next. Priorities.
19 July
This afternoon, the Israelis just bombed Abdel Wahab Street in Monot, an affluent Christian quarter nearby. Apparently, they saw a drilling rig on the road from above and mistook it for a rocket launcher. It is particularly ludicrous imagining the Hezballah bucking down there in the
heart of Beirut's nightclub scene.
Five bombs were dropped near the port in the course of one minute. And even Byblos, a Christian community in the north was bombed yesterday while [...] was there visiting friends. This is getting a little unnerving, but just keep trying to focus on getting through the day.
Any truck or vehicle that is large enough to be carrying weapons could be subject to attack. It seems that the go-ahead has been given to randomly attack civilian infrastructures if there is even the mere possibility that they could be housing Hezballah or transporting weapons. This has so far
included numerous apartment buildings and large vehicles in the Shia southern suburbs. And now also here in the Christian north and east.
Nearly 7,000 people have been displaced from their homes in south Beirut and are living in schools, parks, and parking garages all over the city. The relief centre here are having plumbing problems, and whole apartment blocks in the neighborhood are donating use of their bathrooms for the displaced persons to use during the day. The UNHCR is bringing in tents for those living in parks without shelter.
It scares me that everyone is packed into large groups like that with nowhere to go. This reminds me of the �safety zones� set up for the displaced civilians in the former Yugoslavia that tragically turned out to be easy targets for the Serbs. I am sickened that Bush is allowing for so much sacrifice in pursuit of his unattainable goals. It is such a schoolyard bully kind of tactic to use against a much smaller more fragile nation.
The Green Line Association, in cooperation with other human rights NGO�s in Beirut, is organizing a major protest demonstration tomorrow that will march from the UN to the EU. They have arranged for the presence of international media and are in the process of publicizing the event now.
A friend of mine, [...], who is a professor at the AUB and a deeply committed individual, has helped Green Line set up an account for financial donations for the relief centers. Nothing can be imported or shipped in right now, but typical for Beirut, the banking lines are all still functional.
There is considerable confusion here about the evacuee list, as many Americans are registered with the embassy, but they are unable to call the State Department in DC to make sure that they are included on it. People have told me they little or no phone credit to make long-distance calls, and they cannot get through on the numbers provided for the State Department anyway.
It is dangerous right now to make the half-hour trip north from Beirut to go to the American embassy and register in person, as one must travel on a major highway to get there, and the highways are being indiscriminately attacked now.
After a very long wait on the phone this morning, my mother was finally able to get through to the State Department in DC and found out that I need to send an e-mail requesting evacuation. Of course, this was not indicated in any warden messages, and they provided no e-mail address on the site.
I am sure their phone lines would be far less clogged if they simply posted this information on the net. This is completely outrageous and ill-planned. I have yet to receive a reply. As does Rana, who has heard nothing concrete from the Canadian embassy. So we continue to wait.
Another friend, named [...], told me today that she, too, will soon be leaving. She is living in the southern suburbs of Beirut with her small baby, husband [...], and her mother. Her mother refuses to join her father in their house in the mountains until [...] and her family get out of the country.
They have decided to try to escape overland to Cairo. Taxi drivers are charging $1,000 to take people to Jordan (normally a $150 trip); so it is good she has a car. The Israelis are relentlessly bombing the highways and roads east and north out of the country, and I am just trusting that they will make it across the border safely.
It has been a monumental effort trying to find a phone card. They are already being sold on the black market at slightly higher rates, as the phone company has stopped producing them for now. Did finally locate one at a little market where Caritas Liban staff were very methodically cleaning
out all their shelves of supplies to take to the relief operations.
I am sure most markets here are well stocked in preparation for just this sort of thing, but it is obvious that they will run out of supplies before long at this rate. [...] next door also very kindly offered me use of her landline in case of emergencies. Whenever I see her, she is crying and
afraid. And she lived through the last war.
20 July
This day began and ended with air raids, but in between there was silence�no bombs, mostly deserted streets. In some ways, this stillness cultivates a palpable sense of uncertainty.
Many have commented on how they wait for next explosion, as it is a sort of measure of time. And each time they survive one more round of assaults, the soul is fortified just that much more.
Given the latest reports of escalating violence, I suspect the quiet of Beirut this afternoon meant only that more �resources� were being channeled to increase attacks in the south.
A demonstration was held in front of the EU headquarters in my neighborhood this morning. Around three hundred civilians attended. There was fierce anger and resentment, but fortunately, none of it was targeted internally, and people are doing their best to maintain a sense of national cohesion.
I don�t know if the protest received international attention, but there was a wide national media presence, and most moving was an elderly woman in her 80�s who had clearly survived the last war, delivering their statement to those who wished to listen.
There are many Lebanese who are angry with the role the Hezballah has assumed in all of this, but even they still maintain that dealing with the Hezballah�s decisions to act unilaterally is a matter for the Lebanese state to handle internally after a ceasefire is implemented.
Many have come to view these attacks as a psychological assault on the country and are doing their best to resist the temptation for internal blame and division while under siege.
There was a heated argument yesterday between the organizers of the demonstration as to whether to call for support of Siniora�s plea for a ceasefire or whether to act as civil society calling for national peace regardless of its political leadership.
These were eventually dismissed as semantic arguments, and support of Siniora�s desire for a ceasefire won out over civil society�s demands for peace.
Yet such rhetoric perhaps reveals deeper rifts and disagreements about who has the real power and agency to call for and implement change in Lebanon, and these will need to be addressed when this is over, much like with the Hezballah.
Thanks to my mother�s phone calls to the State Department and pressure on Congress persons from my friends Carmen, Anita, and Jon in [...], I finally received confirmation today that my name is on the evacuation list. It is still unclear exactly when I will be scheduled to leave, but I feel
relieved simply knowing this information.
Much of my personal anxiety was related to having so little information about next steps and a sense of being trapped. In retrospect, a simple confirmation of their presence on the evacuation list, provided in a timely manner, would have probably eased the anxieties of many people.
I am aware that there are large numbers of people who are just showing up at the embassy and the docks hoping to board ship, but I worry about the safety and ethics of doing this.
Yesterday, for instance, a ship for the Canadians departed early from the dock because the captain was afraid they would not make it out within the window of time given by the Israeli military. As a result, 400 Canadians were left on the dock to navigate their way back home in the midst of the ongoing bombardments around the city.
Also, from what I understand, American citizens, many of Lebanese origin, living in southern Lebanon were slated to leave today, as they are facing the greatest danger, and it was disturbing that many who are in far less danger were prepared to disregard this and take these persons� places on the ship simply because they were afraid and anxious to return to the US.
From my own limited experience, I know it is a tremendous task trying to respond to humanitarian crises, and emergencies on this scale only exacerbate the level of difficulty in doing so effectively.
People who tend to act impetuously out of fear, rather than following established protocols, place everyone in greater danger, much like stampeding crowds in a burning building.
So have decided to wait for a call or message, now that it is clear that procedures for departure have been established. I am not very good with large crowds as it is and don�t relish being packed in with a bunch of panicky and traumatized people who cannot think clearly enough to make good
decisions.
So, in the interim, am trying to maintain some sense of normality in this environment by staying connected to people, focusing on staying healthy, working, and even reading when it is possible to concentrate.
Am currently slowly getting through Mario Vargas Llosa�s �Feast of the Goat� about Trujillo�s bloody dictatorship in the Dominican Republic. Perhaps not the greatest thing to be reading in this current environment, but despite its entirely different political context, reading this sort of thing makes what is happening now easier to mentally assimilate, if that makes any sense.
Am physically feeling much better and even went with [...] this afternoon to a nearby caf� for lunch. It was a small reprieve spending that couple of hours removed somewhat from the scene outside and finding a bit of normalcy in drinking coffee and discussing friendship, love, politics, Palestine, and the war, of course. The cafe was packed with Lebanese who were all trying to do the same.
One woman there asked me if I was a Lebanese; when I replied no, that I was an American, she immediately followed up with �So are you planning to leave us and go on one of the ships?� When I replied yes, her expression changed to one of perplexity and maybe even sadness, capturing the communal sense of loss that is resulting this mass flight of foreigners.
Yet again, Lebanese people are realizing they will have to remain fiercely determined, drawing upon the reserves of their deep sense of dignity and collective confidence, to deal with the aftermath of these assaults largely on their own. (to be continued).
Read Partha Banerjee's other articles in MM:
